Reframing the Church's Conversations About Marriage

My cousin, Jackie, shared this article on Facebook.  The author writes about how she internalized her congregation's message about virginity.  The congregation taught her that sex was reserved for marriage; extra-marital sex would lead to Hell.  Although she remained a virgin until she was married, she was afraid that she might "cross the line" and punch her ticket to Hell.  After the wedding, she still feared sex, which restricted her relationship with her husband.  In time, her internal pressures were too much to contain and she confessed her struggles to her husband, who suggested therapy.

What was the end result of this process?  The author states:

"I don't go to church anymore, nor am I religious. As I started to heal, I realized that I couldn't figure out how to be both religious and sexual at the same time. I chose sex... 
"I'm now thoroughly convinced that the entire concept of virginity is used to control female sexuality. If I could go back, I would not wait. I would have sex with my then-boyfriend-now-husband and I wouldn't go to hell for it. We would have gotten married at a more appropriate age and I would have kept my sexuality to myself."

These words should bother most people who believe that sex should be reserved for marriage.  Does this woman represent the majority of what our children and grandchildren hear and experience when we talk about purity and virginity?  Is this why many young adults remain away from the church: they do not believe that they can be both religious and sexual?  How can we talk about sex as part of God's good creation while also upholding the value of reserving sex for marriage?

During my time in seminary, I learned about the Church's traditional teachings concerning the three ends (or purposes) of marriage.  These three ends are:

1. Unitive: the relationship between a husband and a wife is a living testimony to the relationship between the Lord and the Church.  The Lord is always faithful to the Lord's people, and the Church is always faithful to the Lord.  A couple that remains faithful to each other testifies to the relationship between the Lord and the Church.  On the other hand, a couple that does not remain faithful undercuts their testimony to the Lord and the Church.
2. Procreative: the married couple raises children for the Lord and the Church.  Note that this purpose of marriage speaks to raising children, not creating children through sexual intercourse.  Because this purpose speaks to raising children, couples which are infertile, choose to adopt children, or remain childless can also fulfill this purpose by either adopting children or acting as adult mentors for other children in the congregation.
3. Sacramental: the husband and wife jointly participate in worshipping the Lord and obeying the Lord's calling.  By doing so, the couple grows together in holiness.

I did not hear most of this as I was growing up.  I heard the message of "Don't have sex before marriage."  Obviously, I did not have the same experiences as the woman who wrote the article in question.  However, I can see how limiting our message to a command to refrain from sex with the threat of Hell as punishment can lead to poor relationships, poor understandings of sex within God's good order within marriage, and, in some, burnout, depression, and withdrawal from the Church.

I can also see how teaching these three ends of marriage is extremely counter-cultural.  Turn on your television or pop in a movie, and you will likely see something that proclaims that sex is a good thing, so we should have sex on a regular basis as long as we find someone else who will agree to have sex with us.  Today, in our culture, sex is not an activity by which married couples build their relationship; sex is an activity through which individuals obtain pleasure whether or not the individuals are in a relationship with one another.  Because our culture upholds pleasure as its own value, our culture dangles sex in front of us to catch our attention, to make us desire sex, and to train us to do certain "approved" things so that we can obtain sex.  Proclaiming that sex is much more than a vehicle for pleasure will put the Church at odds with our culture, which is where the Church is supposed to be in the first place.  Refraining from sex shows that we are not like the rest of our culture and that there are other options than the pursuit of pleasure through sex.

So, instead of simply telling our children, "Don't have sex until you are married," let's tell our children about what a marriage relationship truly is.  A proper marriage relationship will testify to the relationship between the Lord and the Church, raise children for the Church, and help the married couple grow in holiness.  Sex within such a relationship can fulfill these ends of marriage.  Refraining from sex when one in not a part of a marriage relationship also fulfills these ends of marriage.  After all, it would be a powerful message if the teens and young adults of the Church can turn to our culture and say, "We have found something more interesting than the pursuit of sex.  We are dedicated to our calling from the Lord and will testify to the Lord with our whole lives.  When we have sex, it will be within our faithful marriage relationships because the Lord has been faithful to us and to the Church."  Perhaps this is a more healthy message than the "Don't have sex before marriage or you will go to Hell" proclamation that many have heard in recent years.

Blog Title Change

As of Sunday, August 3, 2014, I am called by the congregation of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Olean, Indiana, to be the congregation's pastor.  The congregation, my wife, and I are very excited for this new beginning as we work together to carry out God's mission within the world.

To reflect this, I have changed the title of my blog.  This blog is not just my forum anymore.  Yes, I will still blog about topics on which the Church and the world are focusing and discussing.  However, this blog will also feature topics of concern within my new local community and congregation.  My plan (such as it is) will be to connect with others in the local community through this blog and through the congregation's social media efforts.

To all who have read this blog while it has been either my seminary project or my entry into social media ministry, thank you for your support.  I hope that you will continue to follow this blog as I enter into ordained ministry with the people of St. Paul Lutheran Church in Olean, Indiana.

Pray With Us

This weekend, my wife and I are meeting a congregation before the congregation votes whether to issue a call.  As we enter this time of discernment, I ask that you join us in praying this prayer:

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love. Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth. 

O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations, Through Christ Our Lord, Amen.

Source

Virtual Bible Study: Eighth Sunday After Pentecost

As I prepare to preach this Sunday, I invite you to be a part of my sermon preparation.  These are the four readings which the Revised Common Lectionary assigned to this Sunday:

Isaiah 55:1-5

Psalm 145:8-9, 14-21

Romans 9:1-5

Matthew 14:13-21

Take a few minutes to read through these passages.  Because the Isaiah 55 and the Matthew 14 readings may be very familiar to you, read through these two passages a second time to prevent the "I know this story" bias.

As you read these passages, what catches your attention?  What word/phrase/image sticks with you?  Did anything catch you by surprise?  In the familiar stories, did you pick up on a detail which you did not notice when you have read this passage in the past?

Please share your answers to these questions, along with any other insights, in the comments section here on as a comment on my Facebook page.  I will respond to all comments and ask follow-up questions.  While I have some thoughts which I will share during the discussion, my main interest here is to read and hear your thoughts and opinions on these passages.

So how do these passages speak to you today?

Creation, Creationism, and....Aliens?

Yes, aliens.

Ken Ham, one of the leading proponents of Creationism, recently wrote a blog post on whether aliens exist and why we keep searching for aliens.  Ken Ham's main point was that all that Earth is special among the universe which God created; therefore, we should not expect to find created life elsewhere in the universe.

What has drawn a great deal of attention to Ken Ham's post, however, is this statement:

And I do believe there can’t be other intelligent beings in outer space because of the meaning of the gospel. You see, the Bible makes it clear that Adam’s sin affected the whole universe. This means that any aliens would also be affected by Adam’s sin, but because they are not Adam’s descendants, they can’t have salvation.

Many are seizing upon this statement to say that Ken Ham has condemned aliens to Hell.  Ken Ham has responded by saying, in short, "Well, aliens do not exist; therefore, they cannot go to Heaven or Hell!"

I agree with Ken Ham in part.  I do not believe that aliens exist in the universe.  Too many things must line up in the absolutely perfect way and must remain aligned for too long of a time for life to spontaneously develop elsewhere in the universe.  Then, too many random proteins must link together without contamination from other proteins to form DNA.  I just cannot believe that this randomly happened once, much less multiple times around the universe.

Could God have created aliens?  Of course!  God can create whatever God wishes to create.  As a proponent of Intelligent Design, I proclaim that all that exists on Earth and, by extension, within the universe was created by God.  However, we have nothing to show or tell us that God has created life elsewhere in the universe.  While I am open to the possibility that life could exist elsewhere in the universe, I am not holding my breath and waiting for us to discover it.

Here is where I disagree with Ken Ham: if aliens do exist, I believe that aliens can have salvation.  I believe that God will act to redeem all forms of creation, including any alien life forms that may exist, at the end of the age.

Will everything and everyone enter into the New Jerusalem?  God tells us through the Bible that this is not the case.  We can argue as to how wide open the gates of Heaven will be.  I believe that the Lord will bring into the Kingdom more of Creation than we might expect, but I cannot say with any certainty who or what will or will not enter the New Jerusalem.

I also admit that I could be wrong in everything I have said in this posting.  Where do you agree or disagree?  What has you clapping in support or pounding the table and screaming "I object!"?  Leave your response in the comments and let's see where the discussion takes us.

Israel, Palestine, and the Pursuit of Peace

The newest phase in the conflict between Israel and Gaza is on the minds of many.  By "on the minds of many," I mean to say that many people are discussing the conflict through Facebook posts, tweets, and comments.

Some people believe that Hamas has provoked Israel into its latest offensive.  They point to the continuing rocket attacks and the tactics of hiding weapons inside schools and hospitals as justification for laying the blame at the feet of Hamas.

Others believe that Israel is acting unjustly in this latest offensive.  They point to the civilian casualties and the previous sanctions against Gaza to say that Israel has caused this conflict.

Good luck getting these two viewpoints to reconcile.

While I have my opinions concerning this issue, I know that sharing them in this forum will do nothing to settle the issue.

For the purposes of this post, I will state this: for a state of peace to exist between the two sides, both sides (including the leadership of both sides) must want this state of peace to come into existence.

Perhaps this is what we can pray for when we see #PrayForPeace.  Rather than pray for a non-specific peace, pray that the leaders of Israel, Hamas, the Palestinian Authority (PA), and other organizations in the area will want peace and will work together for peace.  Until these leaders want peace, we will not see peace within the region.

For what else or who else can we pray?

A Video Describing Holy Communion

This is a video of an Episcopal bishop discussing the sacrament of Holy Communion, aka the Eucharist.  While Lutherans may not practice adding water to the wine (which is depicted in the video), Lutherans will agree with much of what is presented here.  I invite you to watch the video and share your impressions.  Did the video open up new ways to see the sacrament?  Did the bishop say anything with which you disagree?

Hat tip: the Rev. Stephen Friedrich, who shared it on Facebook.  I found the video because he posted it.

And Yet They Prayed

I have watched several of the World Cup games this past month including almost every game played by either the United States or Chile (BTW, congrats to both teams for advancing out of the group stage and giving good showings).  The most poignant moment for me, however, came at the end of the semifinal game between Brazil and Germany.

If you have been following the World Cup, you are likely wondering how a 7-1 blowout and worst defeat in World Cup semifinal history could hold the most poignant moment unless I am thinking of Klose's record-breaking 16th goal in World Cup games.  However, that is not the moment.

The moment came after the final whistle.  Brazil's embarrassment has just mercifully ended.  Most people would want to do the obligatory shaking of hands, hide their faces in towels, and walk to the locker room as quickly as possible.

But several of Brazil's players did something very different.  They dropped to their knees, bowed their heads, prayed, and crossed themselves before congratulating the German team and mourning their own loss.

How could they pray?  They just lost by six goals playing a sport in which four total goals in a game is "high-scoring."  They were the favorites to win it all.  They had not lost a "competitive" (read: major tournament) game at home in nearly 40 years!  They had every reason to be dejected and ignore or blame God for the loss.

And yet, they prayed.  On the field.  In full view of hundreds of millions of people around the world.

We will likely never experience a similar emotional experience, but we will be tempted to ignore or blame God during our times of trouble or embarrassment.  When it happens, can we include in the story, "And yet, we prayed"?

Happy Independence Day

Today we celebrate the public announcement that the thirteen British colonies in America declared their independence from England and began to form their own nation.

This weekend, many congregations will sing patriotic songs as part of their worship service as their way of marking this holiday.

But, when we gather for worship, we gather to worship the Lord, not our nation.  Therefore, I offer this hymn as an alternative to songs like "My Country, 'Tis of Thee."  This hymn is "This is My Song, O God of All the Nations."

A Challenge to the Church (and Sports Fans)

As the World Cup continues in Brazil, soccer fans are making their case for why they are the best of all sports fans.  Fans of each sports clamor for this unofficial title of the best fans in all of sports.

Well, the bar was recently raised by a group that does not get as much credit as they deserve: hockey fans.

Gino Odjick, a professional hockey player who spent the majority of his career with the Vancouver Canucks, recently announced that he has a terminal illness and may have only a few weeks to live.  In his open letter to fans, he stated that he wished that he could hear hockey fans chant for him one last time.

NHL fans who remembered Gino as an enforcer heard this last wish.  Many fans gathered outside of Odjick's hospital in Vancouver and rallied in support of a retired but not forgotten hockey player.  Emotions were high as Gino came outside of the hospital to greet the fans who gathered and chanted his name one more time.

I ask you to look at your congregation.  Who within the congregation is suffering from a terminal illness?  What is their wish at this time?  And how might the congregation come together to fulfill that wish?